Hell-Bent: Obsession, Pain, and the Search for Something like Transcendence in Competitive Yoga by Benjamin Lorr
Competitive yoga is somewhat of an anomaly for me within the structure of yoga because yoga is intrinsically non-competitive. Within my own practice, I've tried to release the competitive nature that I've assumed throughout the years of childhood and adolescent sports, as well the ever-present body and posture comparison that creeps into public yoga classes (especially in a mirror-clad room such as a Bikram yoga studio).
While I can definitely appreciate seeing a fine-tuned body at it's peak performance, displaying a very near perfect posture, many of the other limbs of yoga cannot be measured in a competitive aspect. For instance, I have never attended nor been invited to a meditation-off where people sit in a seated posture, trying to out-meditate or out-breathe their fellow yogis. In my opinion, from an observer's point of view, most of the yoga is lost in competitive yoga and it has the capability of demeaning yoga to a purely aesthetic form.
That being said, I am also not a competitive yogi nor is my asana (postures) practice in a place where I will be anywhere near the realm of competition any time soon. This is coming from someone who would rather sit in a meditation-off...
I picked up Benjamin Lorr's Hell-Bent (that text is mis-colored to indicate a link which you can click on and be whisked off to a second page with more information regarding the book) for a better understanding of competitive yoga and more pressingly, to hear about his experience with Bikram Yoga. Bikram Yoga is a 26 posture series conducted in a heated room. It was brought to the US by the controversial Bikram Chowdhuryin the early 1970's.
My personal experience with Bikram yoga is one of mixed emotions: walking out of the hot room after a 90 minute practice is undoubtedly a winning feeling; I feel born again, my body with a new and vibrant energy. The yoga works. At the same time, with 200 hours of yoga training under my belt, there are some basic tenets of Bikram yoga that are questionable to me. First, the heat: 105 degree at 40% humidity. I've always thought that the extreme heat might stretch the body too much, possibly causing injuries. Yoga intrinsically creates an internal heat or tapas where physical, emotional and spiritual change are born. Adding such intense external heat seems dangerous and possibly unnecessary.
Secondly, locking the knee. If you were to attend a Bikram class, the cue to "lock the knee" is repetitious and demanded of the standing postures. While this cue seems to be a means of a way of engaging the quadricep muscle, locking the knee halts energy from moving up the leg and also brings all of one's weight into the knee joint. I can overlook the above factors and continue to practice mindfully, keeping my personal yoga training in mind.
However, my biggest set-back in practicing Bikram yoga is within it's seemingly exclusive community. In other yoga communities, attending a regular practice has opened doors and invitations where wonderful friendships have developed. The community that I have been introduced to and the relationships that I have forged has been one of the biggest highlights of my practice and is one of the factors that has continuously helped to expand my practice. In the Bikram community, I've never felt that grace of openness and inclusion, conversation and friendship. More so, most Bikram yogis are not open to practicing other lineages of yoga but are heavily devoted to their lineage which, combined with the Type A personality that is often attracted to Bikram, alludes an air of superiority.
I'd like to stop here for just a moment and expand upon my last statement from a place of feeling instead of a place of judgement. After continuous practice in a Bikram studio, surrounded by Bikram yogis, I was always left with a feeling that alluded me, a feeling of not belonging amongst other practitioners. My conversations of other yoga always fell flat and something was amiss for me. I spent significant time exploring that feeling as well as talking with Dustin, who was very much a part of the community. It is these feelings that led me to using the concept of "air of superiority". Although it is true that no one can make me feel "less than" or "not belonging", these feelings come from within myself. Expanding upon that idea, yoga has a way of making you face yourself, face your ego, face your insecurities, face your fears; I have come to realize that the practice of Bikram yoga led me into these examinations. Hence, the yoga works (in different ways for different people).
So pulling my Bikram baggage along with me, I embarked on Lorr's experience:
The memoir is extremely well researched and very well written. Lorr was a beginner to Bikram yoga and takes you through his first grueling days and then invites you along as he embarks on the advanced postures and classes leading into competition. He gives background both true and rumored of Bikram Choudhury and shares his first hand experience as he goes through the grueling 9-week Bikram teacher training (which sounds like hell). Lorr shares personal stories of friends that take on the Bikram challenge to change their lives and shares amazing stories of people who never thought they'd walk again, given another chance at life through Bikram yoga. He does not shy away from the controversy that is Bikram Choudhury, but meets it head on when he discusses stories of sexual exploitation by Choudhury, even calling upon research of narcissistic behavior. Most interesting to me, he shares the stories of senior Bikram teachers, how they came into the practice and dedicated their lives to the practice; and ultimately, all of their heartbreaking dismissals by Choudhury himself.
Hell-Bent is not wrought with yogic terminology or philosophy though it is touched upon where necessary. Lorr wrote an honest portrayal of his experiences from an unbiased view with very little yogic background; thus, the book is accessible to a non-yogi or beginner. He cites expert's studies on the effects of heat on an athlete's body and gives scientific evidence of both the harm and benefits of practicing in such heat. It is definitely a testament to the health benefits of yoga on many levels and amazingly, the book hit on every single one of my above mentioned issues. It brought me back in touch with my positive and negative experiences with Bikram yoga and most importantly, reminded me of the humanity of each practitioner, teacher, senior teacher and Guru: we are all wrought as we move through our personal stuff and try to come out a better person in the end, at times finding ourselves trapped within the midst of our own ego. It's all practice.
Overall, the book made me want to get back in the hot room and practice some Bikram yoga. It's a great read and introduction to yoga, I highly recommend it. You may walk away finding yourself inspired to start a practice. But I implore you, keep an open mind and an open heart. Yoga is vast, and if you find yourself unable to cope with what you're faced with when you practice, be compassionate with yourself and always know that you are exactly where you need to be, studying, practicing and learning the exact lessons that you need to be learning.
Love&Light.
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